In the tangled web of existence, I grapple with a conflicting duality(duelity): the overwhelming YEARNING to explore uncharted territories of this world, to encounter its diverse souls, and immerse myself in countless walks of life, all juxtaposed against an inner craving for love, support, and stability. These contrasting desires, while not inherently exclusive, demand acknowledgment of the sacrifices one might require over the other.
My days begin with a rebellious defiance of the sun's schedule. I wave well after its initial hello, greeted by the intrusive light piercing through my worn, dusty white blinds. As I glance out of my window, I'm captivated by the expansive sky of San Diego-a canvas reminding me not to squander the precious light. Lost in contemplation, I envision the untapped potential of the day and life itself. Thoughts persistently dance around throwing essentials into a bag, hitting the road, and embracing the role of an explorer. I yearn to capture the world's enchanting essence through my lens, to document the diverse tapestry of its inhabitants whom I'm so desperate to encounter.
The allure of the unknown beckons-the thrill of venturing into uncharted territories, the pulse-quickening rush of danger and risk. Remember ever embarking on a highway with an empty fuel tank? living in a fleeting moment fueled by courage, faith, and a fuckitness that makes life truly worth living. In this pursuit, shedding the shackles of self-importance and societal validation becomes paramount—forget the professional accolades sought by peers; just simply embrace life.
There's no predetermined destination on this journey. Perhaps there are waypoints marked on a map - necessary halts to refuel the body, mind, and machine, but there exists no ultimate goal, no stakeholders to appease, no explicit....reason. What fuels this existence is pure desire - the presence of moment, untethered from the burden of expectations. Each passing minute is simply what it is - an unfiltered clarity washes over, birthing realizations not just of who one is in this world, but perhaps more significantly, who one is not.
Show coverage of the Sego show at Casbah in San Diego
Love. Is there anything in this world that compares? It's the pulse of music, the essence of art, and the breath of life itself. Imagine someone who meets your gaze and embraces you in every fleeting moment, accepting you wholly. They yearn for your growth as fervently as they do for their own, and vice versa. It's about vulnerability-the freedom to stumble, to say something absurd, to show your flaws, yet see that unwavering acceptance in their eyes. That's the kind of love I aspire to give and receive.
Commitment. It's not merely safeguarding a possession like my camera; it's about dedicating oneself to smile, laugh, and honor each moment with the reverence and gratitude it deserves. This is a propelling force that steers my life. I believe I've found it in a person who challenges me without passing judgment, who can make me feel both brilliantly intelligent and foolishly naive simultaneously. A grounding anchor while simultaneously propelling my dreams to heights I never deemed reachable. They are a very special person.
Their soul outshines their eyes; an embodiment of empathy and an insatiable life force. This person strives relentlessly for self-improvement and passionately fosters the betterment of the community around them. They're truly exceptional. Someone who can chuckle at themselves without compromising self-worth, who can listen to opposing views without raising their shields against a barrage of arrows-this person, I cherish and adore.
Balancing freedom and togetherness is an intricate dance between having the necessary breathing room, a fundamental aspect for any functional relationship, and recognizing that the extremities of this spectrum yield similar consequences. Each of us retains the freedom to make choices and act as we please, regardless of our relationship status. External influences shouldn't dictate how we live or what we aim for, whether we're single or committed.
Perhaps "freedom" isn't the perfect term; space fits better. It's as crucial as it is challenging, considering our anti-social tendencies as social beings. It's about having room to wander, to explore the depths of oneself without interference or confrontation. Striking a balance is crucial. Excessive space can sever connections, while too little can suffocate the other's existence. Within this balancing act, communication reigns supreme.
Challenges surface when space becomes not just desired but demanded, unforeseen, or necessary - like an abrupt need to travel from the west coast to the east due to financial instability. This kind of space could potentially be beneficial, an opportunity for growth. But what if one person requires this space out of necessity while simultaneously desiring less of it?
It's a quandary. When one person necessitates space while the other yearns for closeness, it triggers an intricate dynamic requiring understanding and compromise. Negotiating this delicate interplay often involves transparent and empathetic communication. Finding a middle ground where both individuals' needs are acknowledged and addressed becomes paramount. It's about respecting individual needs while maintaining the fabric of the relationship—a challenge that demands patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt.
I'm a whirlwind of emotions: fear and exhilarated, sorrow and hope. My heart feels fractured. The intensity of my passion for life and adventure mirrors the depth of my feelings for this person, likely one and the same. For me, the most extraordinary journey as a human is the one shared with those we love.
Now, I'm on my way home, alone. This journey will be mine to savor. A solitary expedition to recalibrate my dreams, an odyssey to stitch together the fragments of my heart while nurturing the fire of passion for both life's grandeur and the people who make it meaningful. I plan to take my time, capturing moments through the lens of a camera, aiming to craft a short film that encapsulates this chapter of my life. I'll wander the streets, freezing time through street photography, seeking to define my aspirations. Nights might find me sleeping in my car, sneaking into campgrounds, or signing up for three-day gym trials under various pseudonyms—all while tracing the southern border to evade the cold that I fear.
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